Someday We'll Know

I've been full blown obsessed with this song recently.

Seriously - like it's on automatic repeat on my iTunes.

Maybe it's because I've been in the mood to watch A Walk To Remember(which Wendi & I did tonight and then we had one big cry fest. good times, i swear) but I think maybe it's because I feel like I have so many unanswered questions about things.

I'm not a person who likes to have unanswered questions. When I want to know something I'm obsessive about finding the answer. Me + Google = BFFs. I'm not even lying. The things I have googled range from "where should we eat for dinner?" to "how do flies give birth?"

I wish I was making that up right now.

The point is, I want to know something and I find it out.

The problem with this? There are some things Google does not have the answer to. And, in fact, it's the things that bug me the most.

~ Will I get married?

~ Will a certain important individual in my life ever be happy again?

~ Why do I never learn my lesson the first time?

~ Will I ever learn to fully recover from the Central North situation?

~ Does Ryan Seacrest ever sleep?

I kid about that last one, but seriously? Does he?

The point is that I have a hard time not knowing things. I will never fully be able to handle not knowing certain things, but I will tell you what I do know:

I know that God is in control and I know that by trusting Him things will work out for good.

(Romans 8:28 y'all)

I also know that no matter what the outcome of any situation above, whether it be what I want to happen or what I want to happen least it was His plan and in the end, that's all I need to know.

When I was little, and I was just as nosy and information seeking back then as I am now, my mom would always use the phrase "You're on a need-to-know basis" and it would just drive me insane.

Well, now that I'm older I look at it like God is telling me that.

He's telling me that I know what I need to know and I need to trust Him for the rest of it. Because honestly? If there were things in my life that I had learned the outcome of it long before I went through the process to get to it, I would have just messed myself up totally. And it's the sweetest things in my life I'm talking about here.

And so, while I'm still working on being content without all the information, I'm also praising God that I've been kept in the dark. Because it's after the darkness that comes the light.

And what beautiful light it is.

Left-Handed Fears

I made a left-hand turn last night.

That might not seem like a big deal, but to me? It is.

Back story:

I hate driving. I was never the teenager that was excited about driving. I wanted my driver's license for the "independence" of it all, but after I figured out what was up I hated it.

So fast forward to present day. Not only do I still hate driving but I have a deep, irrational fear of making left-hand turns. I'm talking I will go out of my way to not have to make a left-hand turn; and that's saying something for this efficiency expert.

Tonight leaving the Walgreen's(seriously. Redbox? Best. Invention. Ever) I was about to do my whole "drive fifteen minutes out of the way to avoid a left-hand turn" routine when I stopped. Dead in the parking lot I stopped. Because a verse came to my mind:

For God did not give us a spirit of fear, but of power and love and self-discipline.
2 Timothy 1:7

Why can't I make a left-hand turn?
Because I won't do it; because I'm scared.

Why don't we get half the things we want in life?
Because we won't go for them; because we're scared.

Now, I'm a pretty bold person. If you've ever met me you know there's not a lot that I back down from. There's just not. But there have been a lot of things that I've missed out on in my life because of fear. Fear I will get hurt, fear I will hurt someone else, fear of the unknown......we all have fears. And don't tell me you're not afraid of something because I will laugh at you and then make you my project until I figure out what you're afraid of.

But we all know who fear comes from and it isn't heavenly.

It's Satan not wanting to see a good work completed in us.

Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.

Philippians 1:6

Now, I know I'll always struggle with fear; it's human nature. And I know that I'll always have those slightly irrational fears(roaches - I'm talking to you), but I think that reminding myself that it's all a part of His plan will help me to face my fears head on.

Even left-hand turns.